That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
