I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
