His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
