Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize