he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize