8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize