I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
