I hate your face
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
