hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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