I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was like eating out sand paper
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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