Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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