did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize