I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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