There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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