dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
