the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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