Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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