the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
