She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
