Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
