After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
