Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
