Pappa wants mamma naked
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
