apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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