Non-Jews are for practice
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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