Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
