Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
