i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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