I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
