how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize