as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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