1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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