i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
