3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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