Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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