We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
