I love black thongs
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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