You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
