I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
