How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if only i could text you this smell
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
