i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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