if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
