Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
