Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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