I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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