Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
