remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
