How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
