party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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