roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
