Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
