Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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