Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
