somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
