fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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