I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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