No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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