he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
