I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
