I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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