Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
