someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize