I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize