Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
