I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
