I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
