did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
