nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
