my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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