R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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