The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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