You're my little dorito
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize