Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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