hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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