It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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